Harry Potter and the Odyssey
by Gin-Jess
Summary: What happens when Harry, Ginny, Hermione, and Ron get transported to the Land of the Cyclops? How did they get there? How will they get back. Read this humourous fic of adventure and hilarity. Chapter 2 is up!
1. Chapter 1

"Those were the best cookies I have ever had!" Hermione squealed. As she took another bite, her expression changed from ecstasy to pure and utter bliss. They were just THAT good. She closed her eyes to experience the taste fully. Ron stared at her dreamily. He was experiencing her fully. Luckily, there was no one else in the common room, except Harry and Ginny, to witness all this. Harry didn't notice this because he was looking at Ginny; Ginny didn't notice it because she was eating another cookie.

"They were!" Ginny replied happily, after finishing her cookie. "I don't think mum could ever make anything like that! What do you think, Ron?" Ginny said to Ron. He didn't answer. He was too busy staring at Hermione, who started to notice Ron staring at her. She smiled at Ron and stared back. What a weird sight. Ginny just waited and stared at Ron expectantly. Harry turned from staring at Ginny, to staring at Ron, who still wasn't answering. Harry then kicked Ron in the shin. Ron jumped and glared at Harry.

"Your sister is talking to you," Harry said in an irked tone. Harry didn't like that Ginny was being ignored. Harry had ignored her for five years, and he didn't want her to have to go through it again, especially with her brother.

"Uhh, yeah. You're right, Gin." Ron had no clue of what Ginny had said to him. Oh, well. Now, he could go back to staring at Hermione. Then he realized that he should probably listen to the conversation, because Harry can kick really hard.

"They were the best I've ever had. Where did we get them?" Harry asked, realizing he didn't know. He was confused and a little bit scared that he did not know the origin of the delicious, delectable, scrumptious cookies.

"Umm, they were kinda just sitting on the table when I came in," Ron said, now aware of the conversation. Everyone looked at Ron, confused. They were just on the table? That's somewhat suspicious. Ginny looked over to the plate.

"There's kinda...just... _one_...left, isn't there?" Ginny stated slowly, staring at the plate. At Ginny's comment, all eyes turned to the solitary cookie. Indeed, there_was_ only one left. No one moved. All eyes remained on the one, singular cookie until.

"Well, I have to study," Hermione said, turning away from the cookie with a mischievous glint in her eye. The eyes went from the cookie to Hermione when suddenly, Hermione turned around and jumped for the cookie. The Gryffindors dove to be the first one to the last andsolitary cookie. Oh, that poor table; it just didn't have a chance. The table gave underneath the weight of Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny. In spite of the fact that they should be hurt in some way, all hands touched the gooey, soft chocolate chip cookie simultaneously when, WHOOSH! A familiar tug at the navel pulled the Gryffindors away from their common room. It was a Portkey. Who knew? They apparently didn't.

"Well, this is a nice mess you've gotten us into," Hermione said to Ron.  
"What did I do?" Ron asked confusedly. "You're the one who randomly decided to act unlike yourself and dive to get a cookie. I thought you were diabetic, anyway. Why did you do that?"

"I honestly don't know what you did. I just wanted to say that line." Hermione said. "Why would you think I'm diabetic? I never said that I was. Where did that come from?" Hermione requested answers, but all she got was a shrug.

"We broke the table! McGonagall is going to be furious. This will be the third table we've broken this week and it's Monday!" Ginny paced back and forth. Hermione looked shocked. Harry and Ron just started to laugh.

"Third time!" Hermione was shocked. "What happened?"

"Well, the first time was when Ron was sleep walking, and 'the spiders made him tapdance' on the table," Ginny explained. "I was reading in the common room when I heard a crash. I turned around and it was Ron. 'There!' he said, 'I tapdanced. Now, will you leave me alone?' It was quite hilarious." Harry and Ginny were cracking up.

"The second time, was, well, let's just say I proved a point," Harry said starting to turn red. He looked over to Ginny, who also was blushing. "And I say we should just leave it at that."

"Anyway," Ginny said, changing the subject,"McGonagall kept giving us lectures and detentions. She made Ron and Harry do the repairo spell on it each time it was broken. I can't believe what that table's been through. I find it funny that it has been the same one every time"

"You guys are so reckless. You guys broke the same table, three times, in two days!" Hermione asked incredulously.

"You're worrying about a table," Harry replied between laughs, "when we've just been travelling by a Portkey cookie to a strange place, which happens to have cyclops inhabiting it? And, might I add, you were the cause of the third 'breaking of the table.'"

"Yeah!" Ron said, jokingly to Hermione. "Anyway, we know how to solve the cyclops problem, right Harry?" Ron asked with pride. Harry and Ron had been talking the previous night about defending themselves against cyclopses just because they felt like it. How convenient! What a coincidence.

"We surely do!" Harry replied, taking out his wand and picking up a stick laying in front of Ginny's left foot. "INCENDIO!" Harry yelled, causing the stick to alight in flame. "All you do is throw a firey stick in its eye. So simple!" Harry extinguished the stick and had a look of pride on his face.


	2. Chapter 2

"I can't believe you read The Odyssey," Hermione said to a rather proud looking Harry. Ginny smiled brightly at him. Harry beamed back. They were in their own little world. No one existed but the two of them. That's really sweet but it's taking up a lot of time and space in my story! So, we really need to get on with the story. "Whoops!" Hermione had "accidentally" tripped, causing Harry to fall from his eye trance with Ginny. Harry literally fell and hit his head on a nearby rock. Hermione just toppled into Ron's arms. Hermione smirked at the success of her brilliant plan. Not only did she get Harry's attention, but she had pulled off the oldest trick in the book - "conveniently" topple into the object of your affections's arms, giving the impression of "damsel-in-distress" meets "innocent little girl." Aww. Isn't that cute. Anyway, getting back on track.  
"What did you say, Hermione?" asked Harry, now paying attention as he rubbed the part of his head that had just collided with stone, wincing. Ginny knelt beside him and examined his head. She did a simple healing spell and helped him up, glaring at Hermione.  
"I said, I can't believe you read the Odyssey," Hermione said impatiently.  
"I didn't. I watched the movie. Dudley got it for his birthday one year. He refused to watch it. He threw it at me once, so I watched it. There was a TV/VCR in his second bedroom," Harry replied.  
"Wait, why did you just automatically assume that we were in the Land of the Cyclops? That's a really weird assumption..." Hermione asked without waiting for an answer.  
"Hermione..." Ginny started.  
"You can't just say, 'Oh we just traveled by a Portkey cookie, we MUST be on Cyclops Island"  
"Hermione!" Ron finally got her attention. Hermione looked annoyed. "There's a huge sign right there." Ron pointed to the huge sign. It had a royal blue backround and lime green shimmering letters which read, "The Land of the Cyclops Population: don't know how to count" What a weird sign. I didn't know that Cyclopses could write.  
"Oh, okay. I thought cyclopses were illiterate. I guess they aren't," said Hermione. Everyone seemed to ignore Hermione's comment.  
"Let's go, then," Harry said to the group. Ginny and Ron followed. Hermione stood her ground and looked confused.  
"Go where?" Hermione asked. Harry shrugged. "I don't know. I figure we go through those woods over there." Harry pointed to the forest in the distance.  
"Harry, what are we going to do about food?" Ron asked as he tripped over a chicken. Yeah, I know; a chicken is a weird thing to trip over, but I had to put it in there. "Ooh, food!" He was ecstatic, and he'd answered his own question. "Now what do we do?" Ron asked holding the struggling chicken in his outstretched arms.  
"Kentucky Fryify!" shouted Hermione, who was glad she could be of help. Ron, instead of holding a struggling white chicken, was holding a plate of fried chicken. Ron was amazed. Cool spell, huh?  
"I love you," Ron told Hermione, while chewing on a drumstick.  
"I'm sure you do," she said, smiling as she cast a hover charm on the plate so he could eat with both hands. "And I love you." She said sweetly(She must really love him if she can tell him while he eats). Then, she turned to Harry, who looked as he was seriously considering doing some toppling-into-arms of his own, and then deciding against it based on the fac that he was much larger than Ginny was, and that Hermione would not forgive him for a, pulling her out of her love-trance with Ron, and b, causing her to hit her head on rocks. "Now, why are we going into the woods?" "Since there's wood there, we can make brooms! I know the incantation," Ginny answered, proudly. Smart, I wouldn't have thought of it, anyway, sorry. "okay," Hermione said as the neared the woods. "Wait, I don't think we should go in there"  
"What now?" asked an irritable Harry, who stopped walking to turn around and stare down Hermione.  
"Well, firstly, there are several signs: IBeware, No one has ever made it out alive, Don't go in I beg of you/I  
"That's just for whimps," Ron said, looking disapointed in Hermione.  
"Yeah, they only have signs put up when there's really GREAT stuff inside," Ginny exclaimed.  
"I don't know," Hermione said unsuredly.  
"Where'd Harry go?" Ginny asked suddenly, looking around wildly. 


End file.
